I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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