At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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