She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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