So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
