It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize