I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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