sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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