I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
