The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
