I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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