OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
