Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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