Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize