Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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