if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
