Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
