I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
