I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
