Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
