If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
