i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
