i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
