the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
