I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
