put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
