dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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