Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
