We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
