Dual....:-)
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
