Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
