Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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