people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
