True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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