Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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