Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
false alarm. still invincible.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
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My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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