I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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