i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
