The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
