thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
