Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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