You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
