so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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