I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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