im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize