I just pynch a tree in the face
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
