i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
