ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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