So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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