it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Houston, we have a squirter
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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