my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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