I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
