he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
