my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
