i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
