Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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