His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
