lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
