We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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