And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
