you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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