You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
