my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
