I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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