in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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