you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
