I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize