I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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