i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
