I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
