I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
