All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
