thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize