I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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