mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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