Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize