he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
