Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
