I want to make a zoo with you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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