Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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