That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
